Van Halen - A different kind of truth

So back in 1996 when that "greatest hits" thing came out with 2 new songs featuring Dave, it was pretty much the greatest thing people could have imagined.  Sammy was out on his head, Dave was back in making new music, and for the first time in a decade, Van Halen was gonna be the party it had been in its heyday.  Then we found out Dave was back out and he was replaced by that (ugly) nincompoop Gary Cherone from Extreme.

Fast forward another 11 years.  Cherone's tenure was mercifully brief and his career has deservedly been ruined by the everlasting grudge that basically everyone on earth with a pair of ears holds against him for presuming he was up to the task.  Sammy rejoined and got re-kicked out.  Mike Anthony also got the boot.  Then, bliss: VH was reforming with Roth as frontman.  But wait: what's this shit about Eddie's kid playing bass?  Uh oh.  Yeah, so they toured and there was this fat spoiled little asshole tagging along and pretending to be part of the band.  The tragedy is that Mike Anthony's background vocals were kinda key.  So that happened, and then finally they came out with this new album and yep, it's kinda what I thought would happen: The different lineup has a different chemistry.  Part of it is that those background vocals are just not there.  Part of it is the last 25 years since they released a whole album with Dave.  The songwriting is more like Van Hagar than actual Van Halen.  Also, Dave doesn't screech and yowl!  They used to have separate vocal tracks for his singing and screeching, and then a separate "woo!" track.  I guess his pipes are blown out, and he ends up doing a Ken Nordine deep voice thing on a bunch of tracks instead.  So there you have it: Van Halen went and got old.  OLD, YOU GUYS.

That said, there's at least a couple of good parts/aspects to pretty much all the songs.  In fact, I really kinda can't help myself from liking "As is".  Still, there isn't much to actually grab you and make you listen.  Van Halen, it seems, have become the world's foremost Van Halen cover band.  You can really hear this in "Outta space", where Eddie recycles an entire solo, just about.  In fact, you hear reheated licks of yesteryear all over the record.  How sad.

New management

After leaving this place to languish for, oh, TWO YEARS, it was decided that it stewardship should be given to someone who will put a post up with more frequency.  I promise that I will not go two years between posts.

Megan.

RIP Alex Chilton

Yeah, I know I'm late to this party, and it's not breaking news a week on, but he was one of my favorites and he deserves his nod. Surprisingly, and deservedly, he was eulogized in the hallowed halls of the national capitol.



There's not anything I can add to what's been said about the guy, so I'll just say that I'll miss him and keep enjoying his music, and be thankful that I at least got to see Big Star once in my life. I'll leave you with The Replacements' fine tribute to the man.

HATE IT! Part 13 - Surrealistic Pillow

Again I've gone to the slop trough that is the Rolling Stone list of the 500 greatest albums of all time to elbow the swine of classic rock to the side and pull out a scrap of rotten food undeserving of its accolades. Honestly, what the fuck were those hippies thinking when they listened to this crap and thought it sounded good? Grace Slick could never sing for shit, none of the members could really play all that well, and how many fucking songs about drugs did they need to listen to anyway? "White rabbit" in all its jackass allegory can suck the corn out of a bum's diarrhea pants. "Somebody to love" was really nothing new when it came out, it was just shriekier than the other, poppier schmaltz of the time. Jerry Garcia produced it, but even he didn't seem to like these guys too much. If you watch "Gimme Shelter", there's a great scene where Hell's Angels punch Marty Balin in the face and knock him out, then when Paul Kantner steps up, they beat his ass too. Then we see the Grateful Dead show up and someone tells Jerry that Balin and Kantner got their asses kicked, and Garcia is standing there with this giant shit-eating grin on his face, saying "oh, bummer, man." Yeah, he was as stoked as I was. Why? BECAUSE THEY FUCKING SUCK. THEY SUCK SEVERED PENISES FILLED WITH PUS AND TOPPED WITH SHIT, LIKE SOME KIND OF VILE, DISEASED ECLAIR. Then eventually they wrote "we built this city" about how they fucking invented rock in that town or something, which ironically was the opposite of a song that rocks. So fuck 'em and fuck the RS person who put this pile of shit on the list.

The Sword - Age of winters

My friend Henry turned me on to these dudes. He knows I like metal and stoner rock and Vikings and stuff, so he made me listen to it and it pretty much rules. It spends a lot of time being pretty much what you'd expect for stoner rock, lots of sabbathy sounds and there's some Kyuss in there too. But it's still a lot better than most. It's got lots of lead breaks instead of solos, ride-heavy drumming, bla bla bla, songs about Freya and stuff, fantasy themed riff rock. Awesome. But dudes, when "Iron Swan" came on, I just about shit my pants because it was just fucking sick. It's mostly worthy of a good solid B, but there are a couple of real standouts where they do less sludging and just play fucking fast and crazy and the album just rules. Get it. Especially you, Bryan.

Gigi - Maintenant

So for the last while, I've been having some serious envy issues toward Canada. You see, they have CBC whereas those of us who live in the Benighted States of America don't generally get such quality broadcasting. I used to enjoy CBC when I was younger and lived just this side of the
border, but I have since moved too far south to pick up their broadcasts. Some of the advantages are (for TV) Hockey night in Canada, which means a look at Don Cherry's sartorial choice of the week, which by itself is reason enough to emigrate north. It's like in the 80s when we'd all watch the Cosby Show to see what kind of ridiculous sweater Cliff would be wearing this week. Except better. Plus hockey. Anyway, and more to the point, CBC radio plays a metric shitload of really good music. Over the internets, I can really only pick up CBC 3, (which I am pondering fixing by purchasing a device which will let me listen to CBC 2 at night, which is a magical time when even unicorns cannot help but fucking go apeshit and gore people on their horns because the music is so good on CBC 2 at night) and so there I was. Listening to CBC 3 and this song came on. It was "Won't someone tell me" by Gigi. So taken was I, at that magical moment, that I decided on the spot that I must have this album. SO I GOT THE THING.

So, then. What's the deal with this band? Apparently some Canadian guy got his mitts on a couple of old plate reverbs like Phil Spector used to use to create his "wall of sound", and so he decided to make a Phil Spector record minus the murder and 3 foot high spaceball wigs. So over the course of a few years he wrote these songs and recorded them with whomever was around at the time and interested. The result was that he hit it out of the park. Not so much in that it sounds like Phil Spector produced it in the 60s, because it doesn't, or that the songs are derivative, because they're not, the greatness is in how he took this decades-old set of musical conventions and made them fresh again. That sound of old is just the thread that runs through these topically fairly modern sounding songs. I guess you could compare it to one of those new refrigerators that look like they're from the 50s, but without the kitsch. The songs are just good. Even though the songs were recorded over several years by a huge cast of people with a zillion different people singing, they mesh really well together. There's the plate reverb "air" sitting in the mix of course, and plenty of beats and arrangements contemporary to the 60s. The song structures aren't necessarily simplistic, and the lyrics aren't dumb. It draws stylistically, in fact, from a lot more than Spector's catalog. If Cruising with Reuben and the Jets is Zappa's reverent fun-poking at the cheesy music he loved when he was young, this is reverent evolution of AM radio gems. 15 tracks, 13 of them excellent. 2 I skip, and those are the 2 at the end. If you like Spector, or Bacharach, or Hugo Montenegro, and you don't get this album, you are a fool.

Paul Stanley - People, let me get this off my chest

I've seen KISS 3 different times. Every time was fantastic, of course, but I'll bet 1/5 of the shows consisted of Paul spouting off the corniest shit you ever heard while the rest of the painted fogeys caught their breath. The thing is, it's a great ploy, and the things he says/sings/caterwauls are some of the most hysterical things you've heard in your life. Now I do recall some of the banter being the same from show to show, and of the 70 tracks, there's plenty I heard in person. No matter. What's important is that years after the shows, it's Paul yelling out "I BEEN TO YAKIMA!" that my friends and I recall the most fondly. That and his remark about some woman's bared boobs: "Ooh, you could store a lot of milk in those! I need some vitamin D!" And here some smartass lovingly combed through a bunch of live recordings and picked out some winners, then released it to the internet to the applause of all. Because this stuff is pure comedy gold. His intro to "Love gun" has him talking about how he's packing a pistol. His six-shooter of sex. His Uzi of ooze. His LOVE GUN! When delivered as only Paul can, it becomes apparent that he's some kind of comic genius, blessed at birth with the gift of perfect delivery. You're laughing at him. You're laughing with him. Only Steve Martin can get laughs with the arrow through the head gag, and only Paul can pull this stoopidness off. And boy, does he ever. You can find it for free on the infernets. Get it, you got nothin' to lose. (hee! I made a KISS joke!)